Lauren's Diary

"So this is the foundation for my
internet diary - searching for the
truth and seeing what else comes
along on the way."
05.19.99 diary entry

Main Page

About Me

Current Archive

-Older Archives-
Shrew's News

Cast of Characters

Funny Story #7: Capital Children�s Choir (Part 1)
Friday, 01.07.05

Quote of the Day:
�It's never made clear how Peter can fly through the air as Spider-Man while taking his own pictures at the same time, but whatever.�
CNN review of �Spider-Man 2�

Between the fourth and eighth grades I sang with a chorus directed by a professor at the FSU School of Music. We were the Capital Children�s Choir (CCC) and we practiced every Saturday morning for what seemed like endless hours. This was where I discovered my love of (and some degree of talent for) singing. At the time I thought the choir was very good, but looking back I wonder if that was really the case. When it comes to singing I�ve always had a high opinion of myself, contrary to how I feel about my other abilities, so I can�t trust my own judgment. The only other opinions I can solicit on the subject are from my parents and I have a feeling they would be biased.

One year the CCC sang at a Christmas concert with an adult choir as their guest singers. I can�t remember what song we sang with them, but we were terribly pleased with ourselves for singing with adults. After our number we sat in the church pews with the rest of the audience to watch the rest of the concert. This turned out to be a big mistake.

Instead of singing the traditional �Twelve Days of Christmas� that everyone knows the adult choir substituted a modern rendition called �Twelve Days After Christmas.� It was absolutely hilarious. The choir members were dressed in robes and looked very serious, but all the while they were singing about burning down a pear tree! Here are the song�s lyrics so you know what I�m talking about.

The first day after Christmas my true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite
Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup;
I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup
The four calling birds were a big mistake, for their language was obscene.
The five gold rings were completely fake and they turned my fingers green

The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay,
I gave the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A.
On the seventh day what a mess I found
All seven of the swimming swans had drowned
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect,
I bundled up the eight maids a milking, nine pipers piping
Ten ladies dancing, 'leven lords a leaping,
Twelve drummers drumming and sent them back collect
I wrote my true love, "We are through, love,"
and I said in so many words,
"Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds!"

After a few verses the members of CCC were laughing hysterically (as quietly as possible because we were in a church watching a concert) and the adults couldn�t ignore us any longer. They started to laugh too. Anyone who has been in a choir knows that it is very difficult to sing properly while laughing. Heck, it�s hard to sing properly while simply smiling and darn near impossible while laughing! Needless to say, the song suffered. A few people were still able to hit the correct notes, but everyone else was fighting a losing battle against laughter. I remember one woman in particular who was laughing so hard that her face was bright red (about the same color as her choir robe). Of course this made the CCC members laugh even harder, which caused the woman to laugh harder as well. It was a vicious circle, but lots of fun. Even though the song was practically ruined I�m not sure the concert would have been at all memorable without it.

Up next: More Christmas stories courtesy of the CCC (just as soon as I finish writing them)

-Lauren Gleason